Study Guides

Gospels

• Gospel's Expansive Midterm Study Guide *sld*

New Testament

• NT: Romans-Corinthians *sld*
• NT: Prison Epistles & Pastoral Epistles *sld*
• NT: Hebrews-Revelation *sld
• NT: Seven Churches of Revelation *sld

Theology

• Study Guide to Quiz #1 *jade*
• THEO FINAL study guide by Jade

Discipleship

• discipleship exam 2 study guide *timweiner*
• Final Study Guide *sld*

Human Trafficking

THE EPIDEMIC OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Sara L. DeVol

Box 161

Human Trafficking

April 14, 2011

Outline

1. Introduction

1.     The Necessity for Rescuing Victims

1.     The Security of Safe Houses

1.     The Healing that is Ineluctable

1.     The Power of Christ

Introduction

Human Trafficking is an epidemic that forces women, children, and even boys into slavery to their boss, to their customer, and to their mind and heart. Sexual slavery is a stronghold that has a grip on such a variety of evils. It leads to the spread of HIV/AIDS, child pornography, adult pornography, prostitution, rape, greed, drug addiction, molestation, isolation, never-ending debt, broken families, shame, kidnappings, infidelity.

The Necessity for Rescuing Victims

This rampant evil is so sly, seductive and cunning. Anyone could be subject to participating in human trafficking because this evil hides behind several disguises. Brothels are cloaked by industries such as gentlemen's clubs, massage parlors, spas, and pornography. Anyone could be trafficked because of the clever by-lines given to young women these days. There are sexual predators on facebook, there are “honest and loving” fiances who sell their woman once they are secured into marriage. There are boyfriends who blackmail their girlfriend into making him money amongst his ‘clients’ through the use of her body. There are recruiters for ideal jobs as singers or dancers, and there are seemingly wonderful foreign tour guides who take advantage of young tourists who are not aware of what situation they will get themselves into.

The need to rescue these victims is so large and so strong that only God can do it.

The Security of Safe Houses

Safe houses initiate an enslaved woman back into normal living. They are homes of transition that bring calm and peace to a hurting soul. Here women can learn new trades, eat healthy, develop life skills and habits, and come to understand the peace of God and salvation. Dream Homes help release women from inappropriate guilt, depression, loss of meaning of life, depression, and paranoia. The staff at these homes are trained to minister to these women to help them let go of their traumatic past and restart whole and new in Christ. (www.runforfreedom.net)

In India, Project Rescue has started numerous homes that are currently being used for children of prostituted women (Behind the Soiled Curtain, p.153). These homes have a bed, clothing, food, education, clean water, and medical care. They learn about the love of Jesus and they pray heartily for their mothers to know their salvation as well. These Project Rescue Homes are strategically planted throughout Dubai and Nepal. One is in the center of the Red Light District. They are accepted by brothel owners because of the free medical check-ups, food give-aways, and concern for the children.

The Healing that is Ineluctable

The women who come to these homes are showered with love, affection, attention, and teaching. The emotional healing that a girl feels takes time. Something dies within their mind and spirit in order for them to survive the horrors and emotional scars they have. When a girl finds healing in Christ, they walk with eyes of light. They are ministered to with the manifested love of Christ. One example of this is the care given to women with HIV/AIDS. Within brothels, women with this disease are cast out to die alone and to suffer greatly. At houses of hope, these women are given the medical care they need to alleviate their pain. They are treated with dignity, respect, and love. They are cared for until death. 

The Power of Christ

Christ has come to seek and save all who are lost, including women who are broken and shamed. Jesus offered freedom from their bondage to several lost women in the New Testament. The passage containing the great commission reminds us to include all people groups when we are sharing the gospel, including exploited women. The power of Christ empowers His people with strategies and courage to reach women who are enslaved. Once shared, the truth of the Gospel will reach every abused soul. It will bring justice to the weak and oppressed by bringing awareness and shame to those forces behind such a great tragedy.

___________________________________

Human Trafficking Report

Behind the Soiled Curtain by David & Beth Grant

What is the author’s purpose in writing this book.

To express the details of the effects of human trafficking in India by using the personal testimonies of women who have been set free from the sex-slave industry and by evidencing the healing power of Christ as claimed by missionaries and ministers of the Gospel in India and Nepal.

What is the most helpful part of this book for you?

The most helpful section of this book is in Chapter 10: A Global Strategy. This segment outlines the need for homes that offer education, vocational training, recreation, moral education, love, and a disciplined life for children in India who are without the above. Currently in India there are “homes” that are supposed to provide care, protection, treatment, and rehabilitation of neglected or delinquent children. These include children abandoned by mother’s who are prostituted or children who have escaped human trafficking. The sad truth is that these observation homes actually hold children for years longer than they’re supposed to and the children live in inhumane conditions. This section is helpful to me because I can see that these children lack undergarments, solid meals, good hygiene, emotional counseling, moral education, and a place to sleep. Now  I can understand why the home that Project Rescue has built is so essential to their ministry.

What significant information is new to you?

It was unbelievable to me that poverty is so rampant that fathers and mothers sell their own children thinking that they will have a better life. Unfortunately they are deduced into believing that their sold children will work in honorable job situations, however they are all too often mistaken.

I also found it interesting that a once-freed girl will return back into prostitution if her heart and mind have not yet been healed. I always assumed that these women would day to run away the chance they got. The devil has a strong psychological hold on these women, until the power of Christ compels them they will not always leave their situation for good. The book says that spiritual freedom and physical freedom do not always happen within conjuncture of each other.

What is one quote from the book that was particularly important or relevant to you (include page #) and why.

“Weeks later, when Ayushi was released from the hospital, Devaraj’s team admitted her to a Home of Hope. There she accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior. Her wish had come true. Death had come to her old life and a new life had begun.” (p. 153 Behind the Soiled Curtain)

This quote outlines the outcome of Ayushi’s story. Having been sexually abused from the youngest age she grew up bitter with the knowledge that her sexually enslaved mother was set free in exchange for herself. What mother would give her daughter the agony that she had dealt with for her whole life? 

Ayushi longed for death, and when she was at the lowest place seeking death, she received it. She tried to take her life by getting run over by a car, but was unsuccessful, eventually her owners gave her to Devaraj. Ayushi received Christ and she received death to her old life. 

This quote is so significant to me because the unbeliever assumed that death will release them from the deadness that their life already holds. They are dead without Christ. What they are really longing for is freedom from the consuming deadness, and cannot see that it is not their physical life that restrains them but their spiritual life.The healing power of Christ and His salvation offers life to lives who were dead. 

THE DISCIPLING STRATEGY OF A FAMILY ORIENTED ORGANIZATION

Sara L. DeVol

Box 161

Discipleship and the Church

April 14, 2011

Outline

1. Introduction

1. The Ministry Defined

1. Purpose of the Ministry
2. Evangelizing to Hurting Families
3. Sharing Biblical Principles of Spiritual Formation
4. Using Christian Resources to Convey Truth

1. Conclusion

Introduction

The American government does more for separating families and extinguishing symptoms than it does for supporting, treating, and encouraging a healthy family structure. By dismissing marriage vows, dissolving unwanted pregnancies, and distancing siblings, the United States has clearly defined it’s perspective on families. The strategy pursued by this student is intended to reach broken families that they might be reconciled and discipled to be leaders who can reach out other broken families in need of reconciliation.

The Ministry Defined

Purpose of the Ministry

It is the intention of this author to pursue a career in law, specifically working within the family court system to advocate for children and parents. Through the experience and knowledge gained, a specific organization should be formed. It should acknowledge the problem that society presents and actively work towards politically lobbying for changes within the governmental system using the testimonies of families who have found a divine peace that has restored their members. It should also become a community of believers who are willing to help others who are found in similar situations. 

This organization should use a variety of methods that come along side of families and support them. Through parenting classes, family counseling, marriage seminars, and Bible studies that make Biblical principles for families clear to follow, a down and out woman who has never been shown how to be a mother can find instruction. Through the discipleship of those who have traveled the same road, she can find restoration. Lawyers could advocate her so that judges can see that she is ready to be reconciled to her children as a fully-functioning parent. This is only possible through the prayers of the community surrounding her.

It is vital that those participating in this ministry come to know Christ both personally and corporately. Becoming a supporting community of believers is patterned for us in the book of Acts. It is also commanded to the believer in 2 Corinthians 6:2, “ Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

 This citizens of Heaven must learn to take care of those in the world (the immanent perspective) and by becoming dependent on God (the transcendent perspective).

Evangelizing to Hurting Families

During the formation of this project, the author intends to evangelize to the families she meets through the court room and clientele. After inviting them to church and sharing the gospel individuals may find the healing peace that Christ offers.  These new followers can witness to their families and friends and start the momentum that revitalizes families. Reconciled families can be recruited to help out at the organization, whether it be babysitting, taking children in, or starting classes and Bible studies through the church or other venues.

Discipling the Leaders

It is the author’s desire to continue to disciple these leaders, along with her husband, and to train them into becoming mature ministers of the Gospel. These specific leaders can turn and train the parents that come up under them and so forth. These fathers/mothers and husbands/wives should be discipled one on one within the home, restaurant, or coffee shop. 

It is defined in Mark 6:30 and Luke 9:10 that Christ had supervised His disciples. He checked in with them, and inquired of their ministries. Meeting regularly with His disciples gave Christ the opportunity to praise them for what they had done and had learned. It also gave room to constructively criticize or dissolve discrepancies among those who were ministering.

Sharing Biblical Principles of Spiritual Formation

Dallas Williams outlines two specific areas of spiritual disciplines that sustain the Christian life. These first area is in disciplines of abstinence: silence, solitude, fasting, frugality, chastity, secrecy and sacrifice. The second area is in disciplines of engagement: study, worship, celebration, serve, prayer, fellowship, confession, and submission.

When undertaken, these disciplines are “activities that make us capable of receiving more of his [Christ’s] life and power without harm to ourselves or others.”

 Through learning the Bible and following its commands they will learn how to be good family members and will see the changing power that the Father himself has on families that are dedicated to His purposes. 

Using Christian Resources to Convey Truth

Besides attending church and meeting one-on-one, these leaders need to meet as a group and follow a specific plan of Bible study at least once a week. The author intends to facilitate several groups where the Bible is accompanied by curriculum to clarify truths. There are numerous series of materials available to families through the church, bookstores, and catalogs. Several of them focus on finding victory of shame, deceit, fear, poverty or other strongholds and replacing them with standards of forgiveness, truth, and hope.

 These studies should last about one month per subject and should be comprehended in such a way where the can turn around and teach the families that come after them.

Conclusion

The pivotal point of the whole organization rests on discipleship. Without it, a community of believers cannot be established to help carry out God’s love. Only when families become mature in their faith can they look back from where they have come to share a testimony that is powerful enough to change the system that our government holds tightly in its fists. True testimonies come from changed lives, and changed lives come from people who have tasted and seen met Christ and who have faithfully been shown how to live out Biblical truths practically.

Works Cited

Boa, Kenneth. Conformed to His Image: Biblical and Practical Approaches to Spiritual 

Formation. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2001.

Coleman, Robert E. The Master Plan of Evangelism. New York: Fleming H. Revell Company, 2001.

Kline, Sue, and Connie Willems. “DJ Picks: Read It, Watch It, Hear It, Click It.” Discipleship Journal. July/August 2007.

Willard, Dallas. The Spirit of the Disciplines: Understanding How God Changes Lives. San Francisco, CA: HaperCollins, 1991.

EPHESUS AND PHILADELPHIA AS SEEN IN REVELATION

New Testament History and Literature

March 28, 2011

Ephesus and Philadelphia As Seen In Revelation

I. Introduction

II. Ephesus

A. Historical Sketch

B. The Picture of Christ

C. The Significance of the Commendation and Condemnation 

D. The Significance of “To him who overcomes”

III. Philadelphia

A. Historical Sketch

B. The Picture of Christ

C. The Significance of the Commendation 

D. The Significance of “To him who overcomes”

IV. Conclusion and Application

Introduction

Through the churches of Ephesus and Philadelphia we will learn the perils of forsaking the basic commands of Christ, and the privileges that we gain through our faithfulness to those same commands. When placed in a historical context, we see how Christ has personally recognized the insecurities and temptations that are faced by His churches. The churches in revelation are addressed with the disciplinary love of a father. The omniscient Father shows these churches the rewards that will be reaped if they sow  into faithfulness.

Ephesus

Historical Sketch

The church at Ephesus was set in the greatest metropolis of Asia. It had a hustling harbor that brought the city great wealth and riches in merchandise. As the gateway to Asia, it had a well-worn road to Rome. It was considered a politically free province of Rome, and was heavily influenced by the Romans. 

The city was also the center of pagan worship. Ephesians worshiped the goddess of fertility, Diana, and Roman emperors in the Temple of Artemis, one of the seven wonders of the world.

  The citizens were a mixed population of six different tribes and a strong Jewish community. Paul stayed at Ephesus longer than any other church. 

The Picture of Christ

The revelation to the church at Ephesus is found in Revelation 2:1-7. Verse 1 says He is the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand. Each star stands for a church.

 The greek word for “hold” here is kratein, which means to hold the whole of something, like one would hold an apple or a rock wholly in their hand. This shows that Christ holds the whole of the church and is in total control of all of it, He is not limited to denominations. His right hand is a place of sovereign protection as well as divine authority.

Second, Christ is He who walks in the midst of the seven golden lamp stands, the churches. The Risen Christ walks among all of the churches, and works in all of them as a whole. He is not restrained to just one church. This also depicts Christ’s strong protection and concern for the churches.

The Significance of the Commendation and Condemnation

The Risen Christ commends the church at Ephesus in several ways. They have improved in their discernment of false teacher’s since Paul’s letter to the Ephesians was sent.

 Their deeds and hard work to purify their church have been recognized. They have learned to bear the proper burdens. They have continuously kept patience. Motivated by the name of Christ, they have labored hard. They have not fainted or grown weary in serving the Lord well.

Revelation recognizes the church at Ephesus as the church that has left it’s first love.  The Risen Christ condemns the Ephesians not for forsaking Christ, but for losing the fervency and depth of love that it once had for the gospel. This abandoning of love can be construed in three ways. First it may be interpreted as losing their love for God. For saints this would be the loss of their dependence on His promises. Second it could be interpreted as the lost motivation towards the exercising of their will in spiritual discipline. Maybe had not been filled with the Holy Spirit.

 The third interpretation is the most widely accepted. It is the loss of their love for each other. It may very well be that  their eagerness to stamp out heresy in the church had resulted in a sour and rigid orthodoxy at the expense of fellowship with one another.

The Significance of “To him who overcomes”

“. . . To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God” (Rev 2:7)

.  Some theologians believe that paradise was an intermediate place between the earth and heaven where the righteous would be trained. The best explanation for paradise is in Heaven. In Luke 23:43, Christ tells the crucified criminal that today he will be with Him in paradise.

In New Jerusalem the tree of life bears fruit abundantly for the health and well-being of the whole nation. Common Jewish ideas point to the fruits of the tree of life being wisdom and joy. The eating of it’s fruit signifies the partaking of all the joys that the faithful conquerors will have when Christ reigns supreme.

Philadelphia

Historical Sketch

The city of Philadelphia comes from the greek word philadelphos: one who loves his brother.

 The city was a border town located in Lydia.  This is the reference to the “open door” made in Revelation. Philadelphia was situated on a great volcanic plain. Philadelphia was one of several cities in it’s region that was affected by earthquakes. The tremors were so often and so severe that many of the inhabitants lived in huts outside of the city, because it was so unsafe within the city.

The church at Philadelphia was recognized as the church of brotherly love that endured patiently. The city is one of two out of the seven churches spoken of in Revelation that still stands today. It became a base for spread of Christianity.

The Picture of Christ 

The church at Philadelphia is addressed in Revelation 3:7-13. Christ is pictured as holy and sovereign, sharing nothing less than the life and being of God himself.

 The Risen Christ is He who is true. The word for true here is alethinos meaning “real” or “genuine”. Here we are confronted with a Christ who has no shadow of uncertainty, but is grounded in reality. All uncertainties and earthquakes diminish in the light of his genuine truth

The Risen Christ is also has the key of David. This could be an allusion to Isaiah 22:22 where Eliakim has the key to all the treasure, and only he is able to open it or shut it.

 It also refers to the root of David. Jesus Christ is the only with access to the New Jerusalem.

 This picture of Christ addresses the church that that He alone has the power to open and close the door according to His sovereign will.

The Significance of the Commendation

Their faithfulness was commended greatly, “I know your deeds” (Rev. 3:8). They were loyal to the name of Christ and confessed his publicly. Due to their faithfulness they are promised to be delivered from the hour of trial and testing. They have kept the commandments given to them, and will be blessed accordingly, He will keep them. Nothing can separate them from the love of God; those who are faithful are secure in Christ.

The Significance of “To him who overcomes”

“. . . I will make a pillar in the temple of my God” Rev 3:12). They are promised to stand where all else has fallen. The verse continues, “. . . . never again will he leave it.” The earthquakes sent the citizens scrambling out of their town. In Christ they are secure and do not have to leave.

 They will no longer be exposed to temptations, they have their security in God.

They will also be identified with God with new names. They will have the name of God, the name of the city of God, the New Jerusalem, and a new name belonging to Christ. Philadelphia understood the idea of name changes because their city was renamed twice by Caesar and Flavius.

Application and Conclusion

From the letter to Ephesus we learn a few things. The Christian walk must  progressively mature. If the areas where we are criticized are improved upon, then our labor will be rewarded in paradise. We must also remember that our fervency for the gospel should not cease in any area, that we must always be yielding to the mind of Christ. 

From the letter to Philadelphia we are encouraged with great truths. In His Truth we are certain and secure, all doubts fade in the light of His genuine reality. In Christ we are made strong like pillars, where all other ground is broken and unsure.We have our identity in Christ, he has named us as His own, he has chosen us to be part of the New Jerusalem, his future plan. We now belong to Christ and are firmly set on his secure path that protects us until we reach the final destination of His divine will.

Sources Consulted

Barclay, William. The Revelation of John: Volume 1 (chapters 1 to 5). Vol. 1. Philadelphia, PA: The Westminster Press, 1960.

Gaebelein, Frank E., ed. The Expositor's Bible Commentary: Hebrews through Revelation. Vol. 12. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984.

Keener, Craig S. The NIV Application Commentary: Revelation. 1ST ed. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2000.

Walvoord, John F. The Revelation of Jesus Christ: A Commentary. Chicago, IL: The Moody Bible Institute, 1966.

love languages book report

Chapter 1 - What Happens to Love After the Wedding?

The book starts out with a conversation between Dr. Chapman and his seat mate on an airplane. The man had questions about his marriages. He brought up questions that many spouses of failed marriages ask. He wondered why it was that after the wedding everything seemed to fall apart. Why was it that all the love that his bride and himself had shared seemed to have evaporated? Was this experience common? Why do we have so many divorces? And is it possible to even keep love alive anymore?

Dr. Chapman realized that thousands of couples are asking these same questions.  The reason being that the desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological make up. So much practical help is popularized in the media because of our desires to know and understand what real love is. The answer to questions on love are in one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.

Love languages are the primary language of a human being. It is the dialect in which one shows and expresses their love, and receives and understands love. It is often the case that a couple will both speak two different love languages. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. If we want our spouse to feel loved and appreciated after the wedding you must learn to speak their love language.

Chapter 2 - Keeping the Love Tank Full

Love is the most important word in the english language, and also the most confusing. Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. For the sake of love we would endure anything, and thus it permeates our actions in society. 

The inherent need for love and affection is healthy. A child is developed into a responsible adult when he is raised in an emotionally stable environment where he feels loved and wanted. If their need for affection is unanswered, and their love tank is empty, it is common for the child to misbehave.

The chemical experience of being “in love” is similar to a high. When it is superficially quenched, it does not last long because soon the real emotional needs will resurface. The Bible talks about a husband and wife becoming “one flesh”, meaning they would enter each other’s lives in a deep and irrevocably intimate way. 

When a spouse feels like his or her needs are not being met, their love tank is empty. Angry attitudes and critical words may ensue. When the love tank is full, couples are able to receive criticism, discuss conflicts, and resolve differences. A love tank refilled supplies the emotional needs in the long term. It cane save failing marriages and enhance healthy relationships.

Chapter 3 - Falling in Love

Dr. Chapman relates the story of his former secretary, Janice. Janice had fallen in love and within three weeks she was engaged to the “man of her dreams”. While living high off of the “in love” experience the mind is convinced that happiness is inevitable and will last forever because it defies all facts and meaning.

Being “in love” starts out with being attracted to someone’s physical characteristics and personality traits. This is such a euphoric feeling the mind is set on getting to know this person more intimately, until the level of intensity either wanes away. If the euphoria does not wane away then we seek to know if the feeling is reciprocal, if they could love us back. And we become emotionally obsessed, supremely happy, and totally blind to the reality of human nature.

In the real world of marriage however there are so many variables that will turn off the “in love” experience quickly. Then you are faced with the challenge to love someone to whom you are committed to, and having faith that they are doing the same. Falling in love is not an act of the will, because it is effortless. Real love is emotional, but not obsessive. It is an act of the will, requires discipline, and recognizes the need for personal growth. If we can learn to meet the  deep, emotional needs of the other person, and chose to do it, then the love that is shared will be more exciting than any sort of infatuation.

Chapter 4 - Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation

The tongue has the power of life and death. Verbal compliments or words of appreciation affirm another person and makes another person feel loved. Dr. Chapman helped one wife get her bedroom painted by her husband. He encouraged her to compliment her husband on the things he does right, so that he will be motivated to do the thing that she is asking. The object of love is no getting something you want, but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is true that we are motivated but words of affirmation and are likely to reciprocate.

Encouraging words are another dialect of love within words of affirmation. A husband encouraging his wife to write might be the motivator for her. One should encourage an interest that has been developed to blossom further. This gives courage to the spouse to pursue their potential.

Kind words are spoken softly and are clearly filled with an attitude of love. If kind words are uesd in a conflict, more communication will be transferred. Using kind words to convey one’s feelings of hurt or disappointment is not pointing the finger or insulting the other spouse. A fight could bring healing and build intimacy if thought is put into the tone and word usage. Humble words make requests of loved ones, not demands. Indirect words of affirmation is saying positive things about your spouse when they are not present.

Ch. 5 - Love Language #2: Quality Time

Quality time is so important in a marriage. When you spend twenty minutes of undivided time with your spouse, that’s twenty minutes you’ll never get back. That’s give your lives to each other. One of the easiest ways to spend quality time with each other is through togetherness. Whatever it is that you do together is unimportant, what’s significant is that emotionally you are engaging in one another.

If words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, then quality time with conversation focuses on what we are hearing. Quality conversation is “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. It is focusing on drawing out the spouse, listening sympathetically to what they say, with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires.”

Often times a problem arises where one spouse listens only long enough to hear the other spouse’s frustration out and to formulate a solution. This is wrong because a quality time spouse is looking for support and understanding, not a fix. There are a few things to remember in quality time. 1) Maintain eye contact when talking together, 2) Don’t listen and do something else at the same time, 3) Listen for Feelings, 4) Observe their body language, 5) Refuse to interrupt.

The book gave an example of two personality types: The “babbling brook” and the “dead sea”. The dead sea receive experiences, emotions, and thoughts, they store it, and do not give back. The babbling brook shares everything and anything that they see or hear. It is important to have a “daily sharing time” together is you are one of these.

Ch. 6 - Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts

Gift-giving is part of every culture. A gift is something you can hold tangibly and know that someone was thinking of you, it is a visual symbol of love. If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts then the cost of giving will not matter, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love. 

Gifts can be bought, found, or homemade. If you don’t know what to buy your spouse, ask their close friends and family. Don’t wait for a special occasion. Buying something for your spouse is investing into your marriage and into their love language. If you are a spender this will be easy because you understand how you feel when you buy something for yourself. If you are a saver, then you will be more resistant. You might think that since you don’t buy things for yourself, why should you buy things for your spouse? If you are not comfortable with spending money you must change your attitude towards the purpose of money.

Another way to give is to give yourself to your spouse. Your physical presence could be exactly what they need to feel supported. Your “being there” in times of crisis can be the most powerful gift you can give them when they need it most.  If this is your love language, then you must communicate to your spouse that their presence is what you require; give them an opportunity to respond to your request. All love languages are in the spirit of “giving”. 

 Ch.7: - Love Language #3: Acts of Service

Christ gave a simple but moving illustration of love by washing his disciple’s feet. He encouraged his disciples to follow His example and to love each other in the same way. Acts of service is doing things for your spouse because you know it shows them love. You seek to please them by serving them.

Acts of service can be anything: washing the car, changing a diaper, cooking for them, doing laundry, filling their gas tank, walking the dog, washing the windows, or picking up the kids. Whatever you do it requires time, effort, energy, and a positive attitude. This fulfills what Christ has commanded, “serve one another”.

It is important not to be a doormat servant. Doormats are inanimate objects, and humans are emotion bearers with a will. Manipulation or coercion through guilt or fear is not an act of love but of treason by allowing your spouse to develop inhumane attitudes. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

You must be able to overcome the stereotypical role of a husband or wife in order to serve one another. There are tremendous benefits to letting go of stereotypes and to meeting your spouses emotional needs.

Ch. 8 - Love Language # 5 - Physical Touch

Research shows that babies that are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than babies that are not touched. Physical touch is a vehicle for communicating marital love. You can do this by holding hands, kissing, embracing, and through sexual intercourse. 

If your spouse is a physical touch person and their love tank is empty, they will often withdraw, and feel less secure of the love of their spouse. Withdrawing from them is to distance yourself from them emotionally. One husband, Pete, said, “I was so insecure . . . I never told her that I wanted to be touched, although I was crying inside for her to reach out and touch me . . . there were times that I reached out to her physically and she was not responsive. . . . I felt rejected.”

In an age were sexual openness is popularized, sexual affairs are everywhere. A spouse will always be affected by this emotionally, but for a physical touch spouse, this is detrimental. Their love tank is beyond empty, it has gone into full blown trauma mode and has exploded. It takes extensive repairs to meet their emotional needs again.

Sexual intercourse is only one way to love your spouse. It can be explicit and it must demand your full attention. Physical touch can be anything from a back rub to sexual foreplay resulting in intercourse. It can be brushing against them in the kitchen, or your hand on their shoulder. You are limited only by your imagination.

Ch. 9 - Discovering Your Love Language

It is is vital that you discover your spouse’s love language if you want to keep their love tank full. Many men mistake “physical touch” to be their primary love language because they are sexually driven. For these men it is often important to re-assess how “physical touch” they really are. Bob really appreciated when his wife would make positive comments to or about him because he grew up with harsh and demanding parents. If Bob was having awesome sex and his wife was still giving him critical remarks and negative words, he would feel very turned off, and would no longer have the desire to be with her. 

His true love language was “words of affirmation”. It is different for women because their sexual desire is driven by emotional intimacy. If a couple is both speaking each other’s love language fluently then the sexual aspect of their relationship will take care of itself.

There are three specific ways to recognize your own love language. The first way is to think of what it is that your spouse fails at in you relationship that hurts you the most. The opposite of what they do is usually your love language, i.e. critical words = words of affirmation. The second way to discover your language is to think of what you are always requesting from your spouse. If you’re always wanting them to flip the TV off and talk, then you might be “quality time”.  The last check is to think of how it is that you express love to your spouse. Usually the method you use is the method you crave.098

Ch. 10 - Love is a Choice

If you’re already in a damaged relationship it is easy to feel overwhelmed with hurt, anger, and resentment. You probably just want to give up. The good news is that we are creatures of choice. We all make mistakes but we all have the power, the free will, to choose to make healthy choices. We are all capable of saying “I’m sorry, I want to make things different. I want to learn your love language and to meet your needs.” True love is a choice.  When we speak their love language then we create a climate that is safe to deal with past conflicts and failures.

Once you are off the “emotional high” of the in-love experience the only way to keep the other person’s love tank full is to speak their love language. Oftentimes in marriages, one spouse’s love tank will be half full and will think their marriage is okay, all the while their spouse’s love tank is on empty, and will feel like they’re not “in love” anymore and no longer have feelings for them. It is unfortunate that this mindset often leads to affairs. Few men with low love tanks will leave their marriage until they’ve found someone new who meets their needs. Soon, however, their new lover will fall off the “in-love” high and the cycle will start again. 

When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, then it becomes an even greater expression of love. You are doing something for no other reason, not even for money, except for love. Real love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. We often get out of bed, not because we want to naturally, but because we believe that if we do something good will come from the day. We should chose to act our our love the same way.

Ch. 11 - Love Makes the Difference

Being in real love sets the tone for becoming the best of who you can be. When you really feel securely loved by another person then you have found true self-worth. You are at the height of your potential to discover your purpose, Love gives you a feeling of significance, which is often the driving force in one’s life. Having significance gives you a higher purpose, gives meaning to life, because someone is investing in you. 

If you do not feel loved in your marriage, then differences are magnified. When a couple is in love they work like a team, and fight for self-worth and significance. You reap the rewards of love: discovering how to bring out the best in each other. 

Norm and Jean were a married couple who had lived basically as roommates for twenty-five years. The past three years that Jean had complained about their loveless marriage, Norm had stepped out to show her his love for her. He would mow the lawn because she was allergic to pollen, wash the dishes, and vacuum because she had a bad back. He would have dinner started by the time she was home. All this time Jean just saw it as routine busywork away from her. She just wanted quality time with him. When he describe his idea of a perfect wife, he learned that his love language was acts of service, while hers was quality time. Norm committed to spending fifteen minutes talking with her every night. Jean determined to cook the dinners and wash the dishes if it made Norm feel loved. Now they’re happier than ever. Even after twenty-five years, love can make a difference.

Ch. 12 - Loving the Unlovely

This chapter is based on the question: “Can you love someone that you hate?” Anger held inside turns to hate and resentment. It is a vicious cycle that is full of condemning words and demanding actions. Of course, love is a choice. 

Dr. Chapman discovered the teachings of Jesus instructs us to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you . . .if you love those who love you, what credit is that? Even the sinners do that.” Jesus also said, “Give, and it will be given to you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

It is on these principles that Dr. Chapman did an experiment with his client, Ann. Ann was in an awful and loveless marriage, and was encouraged to leave her husband. She hated him. Dr. Chapman asked her to try his experiment. He encouraged her to ask her husband to tell her ways she could be a better wife. She should not respond harshly, except to write her complaints in a notebook. She should try to work on what he says, and to meet his love language needs. His were physical touch (sexual) and words of affirmation. One week after he responds positively, she was to ask a specific request of him to do something within her love language (quality time). Six months later, they were happier than ever.

**It is important to note that it is hypocritical to claim to have feelings that you do not have.  It is not hypocritical, however, if you express an act of love that is designed for the other person’s benefit or pleasure, it is simply a choice.

Ch. 13: Children and Love Languages

The concept of love languages and love tanks can also be applied to children. At a young age it is important to pour out all five love languages on them, and see how they react. If you observe their behavior for awhile, you’re bound to get it. 

Bobby might climb on his father’s lap when he gets home and play with his hair. He is craving physical touch. Patrick will pester his father to come and see something in his room, because he is “quality time.” If his father doesn’t come right away, he will do anything for his emotional need to be fulfilled, including acting out. 

If your child is always making things and giving them to you, he might be “receiving gifts.” If they are always helping you with chores, or helping a younger brother or sister, they might be “acts of service.” If your son or daughter is always complimenting you, maybe he or she is “words of affirmation.” 

Parents may sincerely love their child, but that won’t be enough. They must learn to speak each child’s love language, because every child is different. As young children we are always affirming their actions, when they get older we are often more critical or demanding of them. It is important that we’re careful of this. If they are “quality time”, take a walk with them. If they are “receiving gifts.” then give them things! If they are “acts of service” spend undivided time with them on their science project, or attend all of their games. If they’re always hugging you, then always touch them positively when you see them! When family members start speaking each other’s primary love language, then the emotional climate of a family is enhanced!

Ch. 14 - A Personal Word

The author challenges your opinion in this chapter. Dr. Chapman is inquiring if his experiences have made an impact on you and have propelled you to chose love and to express it to the one you’re in a relationship with.

Every marriage comes with different personalities, histories, emotional baggage, expectations, and differing solutions and opinions concerning life. These things can all be processed in a secure environment of love. The ability to love, especially when it seems impossible, can be further quickened by drawing upon spiritual resources. For the author, rediscovering his need for God propelled the strength he needed to fix his own marriage. He examined the evidence for Christ’s birth, life, death and resurrection. Dr. Chapman concluded that Christ’s death and resurrection was an expression of love, and his resurrection was evidence of His power. He committed his life to Christ.

The author is longing for the day when marriages have love tanks that are so full they are running over. In this way marriages can be for the good of the spouses, to unleash their personal potention for the ultimate good of mankind. Dr. Chapman also wants to see children grow up in homes where they are loved individually, and feel secure in themselves. The energy of children would be channeled to learning and serving.

Dr. Chapman also encourages us to share this book with everyone we know, so that we can further impact others with the profound truths that change lives.